Mindlessness

Yes, there's always a cat. He's not mindless, just contemplating the world.

Lately I have been troubled by how mindless I am during my day. How much of my daily decisions are auto-piloted by my brain, and how most of this self-direction is in the wrong direction. How absent I am from my life.

The thing that strikes me the most is how wrong they are, but how right they feel. Its like a collection of very comfortable places in my day that I can count on to feel good. I'm not sure that "feel good" is a good description, it's just comfy and easy. And when I try to break any of those self directed habits they feel so wrong, awkward and uncomfortable.

Most of the times I have no idea how that became a comfortable habit that came to be so engrained in my life and being. Probably by repetition, I guess.

Breaking these automatic routines is now an objective, because if I'm not aware of what I do most of the time how can I act, direct or even enjoy my life. Sometimes these automatic behaviours are helpful, like when we are driving we don't want to think about every motion that we need to do to direct the car in a direction. But, most of the times they don't add nothing to my daily routine, they remove me from the equation, and I have to admit they are mostly bad.

A side effect is that I make lots of decisions daily that will affect my future, decisions of which I have no recollection. By living like that, in the end of the day, nothing has sunk in my memory and I have nothing worth remembering.

It's time to add me back to the equation.